HELP!!! PLEASE!

 I.... I am.... I am drowning

Save me!

Hold my hand

Don't let me go, please!

I don't want to

I am trying

But the pull is too much

I can't resist

Help me, please!

My soul is dark

But my surrounding is darker

It's scary

I can't seem to think

My mind is crowded

I might let go

I am not ready though 

Grab my hand, please!

I feel alone

No one notices me

No one recognizes my presence 

It's like I'm invisible

It's like I'm a ghost

I'll let go

Though I don't want to

Help me fight

Hold me tight

I don't want to perish 

But the depression is winning

My thoughts to end it are massive

Just be my friend

One last chance, please!

Don't let me give up on my dreams

Don't watch me give up on life

One word of encouragement is enough 

I guess

Tell me it'll all be okay

Just a little reassurance 

Don't give up on me yet, please!

© CrucialArts 

TELL ME!!

Tell me why!

Tell me why you left without a good-bye

Tell me why you didn't even leave a message

Tell me how I'm supposed to move on with life, without you by my side

How I'm supposed to sleep at night, without your good night

Tell me.

Tell me what life will be like 

I've never done this before,not without you

Who will tell me to soldier on, if not you?

Who is going to hold my hair as I puke,

After a long night of partying?

Who?

Who is going to go to the shop with me in the morning,

To get indomie to nurse the hangover

Tell me who.

I am not ready to do life alone,atleast not now

Please wake up and tell me it was a prank

I won't be mad

Man I miss you

My world is so still right now

I am short of breath every other minute

Why did it happen to y'all?

It wasn't supposed to end like that

We were supposed to celebrate your return

We were supposed to graduate next year

We were supposed to chase so many dreams together

Live our lives to the fullest

See the smiles on our parents faces when we made it

But I guess it's no longer happening.

All that's left is sorrow

Everyone is still mourning

Those that knew you and those that didn't

Remember the Pwani comrades?

We're back to that blanket of sadness

Return if possible comrade

And if not,we shall reunite in our next lives

I'll cross over with life stories from where you've left it

I'll make sure to live to the fullest,for both of us

You won't miss a thing

I'll represent you like you were my twin

Till we meet again

Rest with ease.

© CrucialArts 

ONE DAY!

 One day, one day I'll tell a story

My Story.

I'll tell a story of how I grew up alone

A story of growing up without a home

Without a place to lay my head

Or, somewhere to make a bed.

You see, I didn't even know a parent's love

Not until a good samaritan took me in

Made me their own kid

Taught me

Fed me

Gave me a home

Gave me other siblings

Merged me with their own kids 

We were so in love you wouldn't differentiate

You wouldn't tell I was an outsider

A once homeless and hopeless orphan

Who only wished nothing on himself but death

Always questioning God why He took his parents

Why He wouldn't take me too

Instead of leaving me behind

Was I not good enough for Him?

Was I not his child too?

Was I not created in His image?

They all said it wasn't yet my time

When is it ever the right time?

I mean, hadn't I suffered enough?

I event tried taking my own life

Just incase He had forgotten about me,

Atleast He'd remember I existed when I appear on His throne

Or even on the other side of His law

But still, He didn't want me yet.

I am now grateful for His delay

Because I made some new friends

I found a new home, new parents

Should I say that was all His plan?

Or should I assume the credit part?

.........................................

DEAR POPS!

Hey Pops, I miss you man

You know, I've been feeling so lost without you

Everytime I hit a dead end,

I wish you were around to hold my hand

Or to atleast guide me on what to do 

What next after I've hit the end?

Do I give up or do I trust the process?

I most of the times feel like quitting,

But then again, they say there's light at the end of the tunnel 

I hope mine's there too.

I always look forward to holding firm your legacy

I wouldn't want to fail you, 

But most importantly, I wouldn't want to fail Mama.

We're still mourning your departure,

I mean, we didn't see that coming that soon

I know you always prepared us, but we weren't ready yet

You left abruptly.Yes you left us on our feet

But I wish you didn't have to leave

We wished for more time with you

But Cancer decided to take the trophy instead

You fought it so hard, I saw how you strained

You had the will to live longer

but the meds didn't do you any good either.

It was your time to take your leave

It was your time to rest from all the pain

We were so willing to hold on longer

But your pain wouldn't let us hang on

We saw how you suffered 

How the tests and treatments drained the remaining life out of you 

Pops, you're in a better place.

No more pain on that side

Keep watching over us, and especially Mama

She feels the void more that us

We're trying to help her sober up, as best as we can

Continue resting Papa, one day we shall meet again

When I cross the bridge.

DEAR SON!!

Dear Son, 

it's been a while since you left 

I didn't even get a chance to hold you in my arms

You didn't give me a chance to say hello

To atleast hear your first cry

To atleast welcome you to the world

You came ready to leave

You didn't experience the air we breathe

You didn't get a chance to see the outside

You only went with the memories of my womb

You never fed on your own

Feel the sun on your tender skin

Nor Hear the noise in the neighborhood. 

Dear Son,

You crossed the bridge to soon

Weren't you eager to meet your Fam?

To know your Mom and Dad?

To know whether you had other siblings.

We were all waiting for your arrival

Your aunts and grandma ready to ululate 

But it's all good, it's God's will.

You know what,

I still look forward to being with you one day

I don't know whether I'll recognize you,

But I can't wait to hold you in my arms

See your tiny fingers wrapped around mine

See your eyes squint to the unusual brightness 

See you playfully throwing your arms and feet.

I wish we had even a day together

Just to tell you how much I love you

Show you how much you meant to us.

If only God gives reasons as to why things happen the way they do,

Then I'd have asked Him why he took you so soon

Before the world changed your innocence 

But maybe I'll ask Him in the next life

with you by my side 

Every day I look to the sky and hope you're doing the same

Looking down,watching me wave at you

Before I cross the bridge and come be with you

I promise to never leave your side

I'll try compensate for all the years lost

Hang in there buddy,

I am almost home. 

© CrucialArts 

I WISH YOU NEVER LEFT!!

Why did you leave without me Mama!

Guess what has been happening behind your back

You should've left with me

He made me his new wife

I loathe the nights

But the sunrises more

He blames me for your exit

Tell me that's not true

Tell me that's just his silly excuse 

But if it's true,why wouldn't you leave with me?

Didn't you love me enough?

Did you trust he'd take good care of me,

Or did the two of you agree?

I wish you never left me

Because I'll now follow you against your will

I can't take this anymore

I am already broken enough to be a decent human being

I can't even play with my fellow kids

I don't how being a kid feels

Mama, he's too good in their eyes

No one would believe me if I told on him

he's the church chairman

the People's choice

too righteous before their eyes

but to me, he's a Monster!

He's the man I should call Dad

But instead, I'm the 'woman' who warms his bed

the 'woman' who cleans his mess

Today is the last I'm playing wifely duties.

Because tomorrow morning I get to rest

I'll come looking for you,

Hopefully I'll find you.

They say there is life after death

I want to witness that,with you by my side

Be ready Ma, immediately he leaves for work

I'll leave for wherever you are

I'll leave a note,incase he wants to come looking for me

Hey God, if my house is not ready yet,

I'll share with momma in the meantime.

You took her from me without a warning

now it's my turn.

But hey,why did you let me suffer in that man's hands?

Aren't you the orphans' caregiver?

Anyway,now I'm here,take me home.

© CrucialArts 

ONE LAST CHANCE!

 This is it, I'm done!

she said

I'm tired of giving you chances

You're now taking advantage

If only you didn't show love some days

I'd have thought otherwise

That maybe you were taking advantage of me

Let me give you space

You need to work on yourself without me

I know I promised to be there, but I'm getting fed up

I am not proud of myself for walking away from you

But it's the best solution to remain sane

You promised to go to therapy, what changed?

I'll still be here if you need a shoulder

But as a friend, not your lover

In case you need to vent, I'm one call away

You know I love you, I always will

One day when this is all right, I might welcome you with open arms

don't take too long though, tomorrow isn't promised

In case you miss me at my usual place

Just know I moved on to the next

those were her last words, her last goodbye

I messed up, Yet again!

She slipped through my fingers, I need to put my shit together

else I might never get hold of her again

One last chance Is all I ask

I know I messed up,

And I am sorry for all I put you through

You deserve to be happy, loved and more

Yes, you have been giving me numerous chances,

I know it looks like I have been taking advantage

But that’s not it,

Your love is so foreign and it is an antidote for my ailments

It feeds my soul and at times, I have greedily gulped it 

Like a hungry child in her mum’s bosom

I know I need to work on myself

And I am grateful for the numerous times you held space for me

All I ask is one more last chance

To make it right

Both for you and me

This means so much to me and I am willing to embark on the journey 

With you by my side

I know it is too much to ask 

But, give me this last chance to make it right

We both deserve to be happy 

I want to be happy and healthy with you

Please, baby, give me one last chance.

Crucial X Doreen

NO GOODBYE???

 Why did you do it?

If I may ask, what was running through your mind?

Did you think of the people you were leaving behind?

That was so selfish of you

You only thought of yourself.

Why didn't you reach out for help?

Why did you conclude that people would judge you?

Why didn't you think of how they'd help instead?

You lost it, your people are traumatized

Your actions are so unsettling

You could have done better

I won't tell you to rest in peace

Because you also didn't leave us in peace

See you on the other side

When that time comes

I am sorry I left you as I did

The pain was too much 

I had to stop it somehow

I had to do it, I had to get out of this world

It was selfish of me but I couldn't go another day

With all this pain logged in my heart

It was too much for me to bear

I thought of everyone I was leaving behind

And I knew, finally, they would be at peace

I would not be there to burden them 

With my depression, whining and utter sadness

I was tired of being told I was too much 

When all I needed was to be heard and loved

I felt so alone and so rejected by everyone

I tried asking for help, but they were all busy

Some called me a nuisance and attention seeker 

I tried until I stopped trying

Forgive me,

Now, I know someone cared enough 

Forgive me,

For the pain that I have caused you.

Forgive me,

For I know I was loved

Let me rest in peace till we meet again.

© Doll X CrucialArts 

DRUG!!

 You were sure a drug

Why do I still think of you,

Very first thing in the morning

Last thought in the night,

And the wee hours of the morning

I was addicted, and still, I'm.

It's true they say drugs kill

I think you are the strong kind

And I've almost OD'ed on you

A number of times

I am about to register myself at a rehab facility, 

Before it's too late. 

I need out,

I need out now!

My mind is going crazy,

This is not healthy at all.

No, it's not healthy

But I wouldn't recommend you quit

Yes, I'm like a drug, but what about you?

You're always on my mind

I see you everywhere I go

In everyone I meet

How do you think that makes me feel?

If you go to rehab, I will too

Then in there, we shall meet

Guess what will happen next?

We shall never heal

This was meant to be

Let's put our pride aside

Because you're always in my dreams

Why don't you also be in my life?

I wouldn't mind you being a part of it

Let's rewrite our story

Make it beautiful this time around

Worth being read by even our friends

Till death do what it does best

Please, just say YES!

©Doll X CrucialArts 2023

I FOUND LOVE!

 I didn't know what love is before I met

Having someone open doors for me, 

Going on dates or receiving chocolate

Is what I assumed was love 

But then I met an introvert

My one and only who doesn't love loud places

Who values time spent together indoors

Cooking, cleaning,bonding and even Netflix and chill

She made me view love in a different angle

She was the ultimate definition of love

From the nights cuddled by her side

To the days spent talking about everything and anything

It felt like home being with her

My heart and body desired nothing more

I always look forward to end of day

When we'll return to the house together

Talk of how good or bad our day was

Tell how the hustle's been

Encourage each other of a better tomorrow

Because that's what love is

Having a shoulder to always lean

And that's new way of loving

As taught by my new found lover

Thank you for always encouraging me

For the many compliments you have showered me with

For the lengthy call when you are not around 

For always knowing how to put a smile on my face

Thank you for being my jewel

For reminding me how precious I am

You my darling are the definition of love 

Thank you for showing me how great it is to be loved 

I truly have found love that's best for me.

© Purple Diva X CrucialArts

A CHAT WITH DEATH!!

I had a chat with Death Last night 

I had some questions for it

Guess what it said

C; So Bro,why do you come for young kids?

D; Because I want them pure before they get to the world

C; But don't you know the smallest coffin hurts most?

D; But you guys,I see you mourning also the old

C; Yes we do,but the hurt ain't the same,

     I mean,the old has already had their share of life

     But the younglings?

D; What's the difference?

C; Okay, picture this

     A mother coming out of the hospital bed empty handed

Healing a Wound without the fruits of it?

Were it you, How would you feel?

D; Okay,I guess I get your point

C; Oh do you? Let's see

     You took 5 kids

      5 bro,why wouldn't you leave atleast 2 or three?

     The country was happy for the couple

    Then you decided to visit and do your worst

D; Woo,, don't blame me for that,the babies weren't to term yet

  How did you expect they'd survive?

C; They were in a nursery,I guess they'd have made it out

    Some or even all of them,right?

D; Do you even know how this works?

C; No I don't,how about you enlighten me

D; Nope,not now. I have some incomplete works to finish 

C; Which works? You have some families to visit and do the worst?

D; That's what I do, That's all I know how to do

C; Yeah, you're never happy seeing people smiling even one bit

D; That's not it, I am never happy myself. Why would I be sad alone?

C; How about,you just die and leave forever,never to come back? huh!

D; Is that even an option?

C; I don't know bro,just giving my opinion.

D; Okay,goodbye for now,I hope my answers were satisfying

C; Well,no they weren't. Goodbye,maybe I'll see you again tonight.

I CHOOSE PEACE!

Mimi si preacher 

but napreache peace

mimi si athlete

but naipeleka adi kwa race

sisi sote ni wakenya

kukushow hivyo sitahesitate

damu yako na yangu twaweza ipaste

ndani yetu red ndio flow

so ata tushikane,there'll be no shock

koz tunaryme ki blood flow

usiangalie skin colour,sisi sote rangi ya thao

uwe dark ama bright

usimind,kuna waliobleach

Jan-Dec tuko na wewe huko beach

lakini mbona Siku flani ifike unigeukie

mkuki unitie

bullet utumilie kwa yangu heart

petrol umebeba ukachome yangu hut

utani tena kati yetu hakuna,it hurts

just because MTU WAKO alikulipa punch

akakushow enda huko,face zao uzipunch

na yeye akabaki kwake akirelax

remote mkononi breaking news akiwatch

shule ya mtoi wako umetia kiberiti

church yako mtaani ukamwagia petroli

mawe ukatupia nyumba ya jirani

haya yote MTU WAKO anawoch kwa teli

after a week ndio utarealise ulitumiwa

koz marafiki hunao tena

ulishawatafuna kama miwa

mama mboga kumbe alienda?koz ulichoma yake kibanda

mwenye duka hayuko pia,oh! kumbe biashara yake ulivamia

umebaki mwenyewe 'kijililia

MTU WAKO tena hapatikani,hafiki tena mashinani

alishatumia yako imani

sasa umebaki ukimlaumu nani??

cc  Crucial

HAPPY DECEMBER!

 Hello December,

Welcome we have been waiting for you,

Grateful that you are finally here,

So let's say a few things to you.

What do you have in store for us?

Holidays left right and center

Please keep everyone of us for 31st

Let us not loose anyone

We wanna welcome 2022 in a chorus

We say thanks for still being here

And many thanks that we were healthy and fine

That we escaped Covid and tragedies

We are grateful for being here

Even as we celebrate with family and friends

We promise to also remember the less privileged

We'll share with orphans and care for the aged

Not forgetting those in the hospital beds

We've been doing it but we will prioritize

We hope the sick will get healed

We pray that things get better for those around us

As we help, we ask you be tender to them all

So that we may all be happy for the season

Welcome December

They've given you a new name

They're now calling you "DrinkCember"

Not a bad nickname,right?

They should drink responsibly though

We've had enough heartbreaks

And as they drink 

Let them be careful

Bills will still be waiting next year

Fees and more expenses at the door

So we hope they will spend cautiously

We have had enough surprises

Okey Festive month 

We are ready for you

I know you've been ready for us all along

The rains cleansed you for us

Don't let us down

Yours truly;

Purple Diva X CrucialArts

TELL ME!

Tell me

If today I said I love you

Would you believe?

Would you just snob and leave,

Or you'd smile and say 'me too'?

Tell me

If I proposed to you,

Would you let me put a ring

Would you say 'yes I do'

and allow us start a home?

Tell me

Just tell me

What would your reaction be?

After knowing I have your feelings

And you're the one I wanna spend my future with

If today you said you love me

I'd look around and ask if you were talking to me

I'd look at you in a romantic sort of way

And say you are a very sweet person

Of course I'd be a little shaken

With a cold stomach

And a mind wanting so much to believe you

And a soul wanting so much to be attached to yours

But I'd look direct at your rose stained eyes

And say that I love you too

Coz those are the words that matter

Words enough to create a love letter that when read, would create an eruption inside my heart

And a collapse of the pillars that make me.

If you'd propose to me today

My earth would be stilled a little

My brain would stop a moment

As I listen to the sensual rapture of butterflies in my stomach

I'd take a little steps back

And come back again running and hug you

As I let the universe know that I love you too

I'll promise not to hurt you and your feelings

And with every new sunrise

I'd kiss a nerve of your body

And leave love notes on flesh.

Crucial × Ochy

I WISH I HAD A SISTER!!

 I wish I had a sister

Either young or older

I'd have a blood confidant

The person who I'd run to,day and night

When I need a shoulder to lean on

I wish to have a sister

But I'll make sure to have a daughter

So that I can treat her like my sister

I wish I had a sister

To laugh with on happy days

To run to after bad dates

Life would definitely be easier

Coz all days would run smooth with a sister

I wish I had a sister

To tell how my day was

To wake up to and tell her about my dreams

To make plans with about our future

And for her to help me choose my partner

I wish I had a sister

My secrets I would share

Her goals I would help achieve

Each dawn I would awake in joy

Coz with her all would be achievable

I wish I had a sister

To wipe away my tears

When I go through a heartbreak

To curve my lips downwards

And say it will be alright

I wish I had a sister

Warm hugs we would share

Great meals we would share

As we chat about all and nothing

Coz there would be true love

I wish I had a sister

But at least I have brothers

Am glad to have them as my siblings

But I still wish I had a sister

Because we'd share more than a brother

CrucialArts X Purple_Diva  

FEELS!!

Yesternight I lay my head on that pillow

for the first time it felt like it's made of willows

staring at the ceiling smoking the last blunt I had

how I wish that your feelings for me were equal

I admit I have your feelings

But yours is more of an obsession

You're so much insecure

That alone makes me scared

Because I don't know what your next action will be

When you spot me by the roadside 

With the same friends you don't wanna see

I mean breath, 

let it ease a little,

i'm not pleased,

our love is kinda fizzling out,

you don't take it easy on me,

you won't take it easy with me,

you cut me open don't leave me bleeding.

Am sorry if that's what you feel

But consider me too

Stop scaring my feelings

Don't want to loose my friends

Stop being so jealous

I promised to love only you

But you're making it hard for me to

Because I'm scared of you

let me in 

you gotta let me in

open up to me more than you did to your exes,

you can count on me,

only if you stop doubting me,

may be then I'll stop feeling like it's an illusion..

It'll take time to heal

From all the emotional bruises you caused

I always thought you care

But all you did was scare

Why don't you trust me for once?

Why do you always think am a cheat?

You say that I belong to the streets

Just because am friendly to every Harry,Tom and Dick

But just know that's my personality

Treating every person equally

I don't want no drama,

not from you my friends or my mama,

I'm so used to karma,

every action I take I'm expecting another,

so watch how you treat me love,

i might be the best guy you'll ever have,

last heart you'll ever touch,

since I'm the only one who understands your heart.

Haha,sorry to burst your bubbles

but don't blow your own trumpet

There are others out there who are more perfect

Only that you're my heart's choice and not them

So play your cards well and don't make me regret

When I decide to give us a second chance 

Cease juggling with my feelings

cease tampering with it,

cease tampering with the process,

don't be a hater of progress,

me and you can make it happen,

we could stay in love and travel the world,

tell me love wouldn't you love that.

I'd definitely love that

But my happiness comes first

All you do is make me sad

You know I've worked hard on us

To make us last

But my dreams you always cut

You always drag us back

And we start all over again at square one

Will we live like that??

You're always failing your promise to change

The blame is on me,

has always been me,

and I take it gladly since I want to make something off of it this time,

this time I want a happy ending,

this time i want to keep your loving,

this time I'll sacrifice lots of things,

this time I'll change for reals,

for you and for me,

you deserve better it's true,

and I haven't been anything else than a fool,

i starve your mind from the peace that you need,

I stay locked far away when you need me,

and that type of shit is killing us,

I swear I don't want that for us.

Then let this be the final time we reunite

Let this be the last chance you break your promise

I always want the best of best for us

Because you're always my heart's choice

However hard I try to deviate

It seems you're my fate

That's a reality I can't seem to change

You're the last person that I wanna hate

So please don't push it

Let's live in unity

I don't give you anything you want,

I might not get that "everything" you want,

I won't promise you tomorrow,

this whole thing could get blown by the wind any minute,

but right now all I know is you,

all I want is you,

my heart belongs to you,

you are the only one I want to do,

when the fear of the unknown  comes through it reminds me of you,

I let it slide as soon as it kicks in,

can't feed my soul with thoughts of me on my own without you,

sucks like a flu.

Okey babe I've heard you

Let's forget the past and start a new 

Because I can't imagine me without you

I don't want to be a victim of I wish I knew

Because you're the only one that my heart beats for

I love you to an extreme it actually hurts

But if am the one you wanna do life with

Let's give it a final shot I hope it'll work

I pray it works out,

I want it to work out,

I'll be wild and out about it if that is what it's going to take to work it out,

so much shit to think about,

all this life crap got me stressed out,

but I won't fight you no more my stress reliever,

I won't act like you are the reason for my soul seizure

you are my angel and I wouldn't trade you for no one.

  ©EmKay and CrucialArts

WAS I NOT ENOUGH!!?

 Why did you go behind my back?

You suddenly developed bad blood

I wish I read the earlier signs

I ignored because I thought they would eventually die

Unfortunately they grew day by day

Here I thought you were in love with me

Only to realise I was the new side chic

Was it that hard to open up to me?

Tell me to my face you no longer had my feelings

It would be better than stabbing me

What's so special about her that I couldn't reach?

Was it because I was jobless and couldn't take you on a date?

Was it because I couldn't provide your needs?

Did my beauty fade all of a sudden?

Tell me what it is I did

So that I can be cautious with my next catch

We had dreams together

We had future plans together

What happened to all that?

Why did you decide to let them drown

Did I at anytime let you down?

Or did her attention exceed mine?

Am here drowning in sorrows

My tears wetting my pillows

Be it during sunset or sunrise

I'm still hoping you'll return someday

And say to me it was all a lie

But time is long gone

And I see you've moved on

Why do you have a heart of stone?

Do you realise how much you hurt me?

Or you and I were just a fling

You just made me a bridge

To cross to your next ship

All that is left are memories of you and I

Watching the stars high in the sky

In the midnight breeze at the balcony

Cuddling and promising each other sweet nothings

And running around during the day like little kids

Playing hide and seek

But that's stored at the back of our minds

And can never again be a reality 

I wish you happiness in your new destiny

I hope one day you'll miss me 😉

Because a day can't pass without you crossing my mind

For I loved you dearly

  © CrucialArts✍️